Cory Lowder and Kevin Holmes

As interviewed by Kevin Lips, March 22, 2015

Kevin Holmes and Cory Lowder: In Their Own Words

Me: “How long have you been openly gay?”

Cory: “I came out of the closet all at once because I had gotten married to a woman when I was 22 years old, and a year and a half into the marriage was when I had finally realized that I was gay, and there was no way it was something that was just going to pass. Even though I loved this woman very much (we were very good friends all through high school and we had a very close relationship), I was not attracted to her in the same way I was attracted to men.

Me: “Did your family embrace your relationship?”

Cory: “I think pretty much from out of the gate my family embraced our relationship because by the time Kevin and I met, I had been openly gay for many, many years; and that they had plenty of time to come to terms with the fact that I was gay; and after meeting Kevin and realizing what a wonderful warm and caring person he is, and seeing how I was around him and seeing how he made me feel helped them embrace him as well. Would you say there was any hesitation on my family?”

Kevin: “I think as much as they had been good about us getting married, I know there’s some hesitation, I know they don’t necessarily believe that we should be married, but they don’t actively disapprove.

Cory: “I guess another way to say it is: they said ‘We really wish you were not gay, we think life would be easier for you, and we are worried about what will happen to you after this life is over’ because of the whole Mormon theology, but they said ‘If you really are gay, and there is nothing you can do about it we want you to know that we love you no matter what’ and eventually they extended that love to Kevin as well.”

Kevin: “It was a long time before I came out to my whole family, which was kind of sad because they were so accepting of it, and I wish I had had those more years of that.”

Cory: “After I told my wife, the next people I told were my parents, and they were devastated. They didn’t know. I find that hard to believe that they hadn’t picked up on some of the signs, but it was really really really hard for my parents.

Kevin: “I was never that big on gay marriage. It’s only when it started becoming a possibility that I was like- I think especially when the judge in San Antonio ruled it unconstitutional it really hit me like it was a big deal. But I had never really been that- I was like: we’re committed to each other, we’ve been together how long, what difference does it make? We just got married seven months ago when we could have gone to Boston and gotten married years ago. I didn’t think it would happen this fast. I don’t think anybody thought it would happen this fast. And so, I guess it was just my- I guess I didn’t want to get upset about it. I didn’t want it to make me unhappy. Because basically the best revenge to anybody that’s trying to put you down or trying to discriminate against you is to be happy.